Thankful

So this is not really some Thanksgiving inspired post. Not many read this blog and that is perfectly fine. This is more of an exercise of faith for me than anything. It just so happens that as I had to discipline Caleb tonight it reminded me of how hard thankfulness really is. I'm truly thankful to have him. I'm thankful that I had to walk through his abuse case alone for most of the time. I'm thankful that I'm continually reminded of my need and weakness.

I'm so thankful that I have the honor of being Caleb's Dad (I say the same of being Chloe and Caitlyn's Daddy, they are so beautiful). He frustrates me with his constant drive to compete, everything is a competition with him. Yet I find that quality admirable because not everybody has that. He upsets me when he acts rashly. Yet I find it wonderful that when we talk it through and then consider the consequences that he gets upset that he acted that way. In the end I'm always astounded by the gift he is and that he is in my life.

I thought I'd never say this but I'm thankful that I had to walk through Caleb's abuse case. It was the most hellish and alienated time I've ever been through. I struggled to trust God, family, and friends. Even today in times of frustration in life the enemy seems to bring back thoughts of this time. I struggled with God yet HIS sovereignty and grace were so huge that I could do nothing but fall on my face crying constantly before HIM, I cried what seemed to be gallons of tears. Jill and I didn't communicate much at all we just subsisted which was a lack of leadership on my part. We made dumb decisions about eating out all the time because we just didn't want to cook or think, we would charge things, we gained weight, things we struggle with to this day. I failed her in this. My family never really knew what to do and therefore never really checked on me, no visits, few calls. My friends seemed at a loss, this lead to an alienation. The one exception was my Dad who had no idea what to say but would just call, that was needed. He said the one thing I wanted to hear from family and friends, "I'll come down there and take care of that man.". Nobody said that except my Dad. He didn't know I was having nightly dreams where the scenario always ended up with me killing that man. He didn't know I would wake up crying because I was heartbroken that my heart, as a lover of Jesus, would go to that point. I just needed to hear it. The most important thing my Dad did was tell me he loved me, as he always has, every time we talked. I just needed that. I needed to be pushed to fight for my heart and Jake Mason did that. He pushed me to love my wife and that was needed. I got mad at him but was always thankful for his care and concern. I needed someone to offer to go with me when the Assistant District Attorney said she wanted me to come to the trial and eventually say something and Greg Bowers did that. I didn't need profound words, I needed a ministry of presence. More than anything I found the depths of the grace of God expressed in the gospel beyond compare through walking through this. In these depths I found solace in my tears and strength in the midst of my fears. By falling on my face and resting in HIS completed work I found a bedrock of hope in the midst of the darkest of times. I'm thankful for all of this.

I'm reminded of my need in that I need the grace of God more today than at any point in my life. I need it as a husband, father, and servant of the body of Christ. As a husband I find myself inept in how I care for Jill. As a father I find myself lacking everyday. As a pastor I agonize over the words I share and yet find they fall woefully short and fall on hearts that do not heed. I want to love well but in each case I fall short. By this I find that it doesn't cause me to presume upon HIS grace but to fall upon HIM in my weakness needing HIS grace and strength.

So in the midst of this I find that thankfulness is not easy. It is hard. Thanksgiving Day, the turkey and shopping, the gluttony of it all, is easy. True thankfulness comes by means of grace and grace has never come flippantly. There is so much more that could be said but I can say I'm thankful. Truly thankful this night.

Quote for Herman Witsius

For no one teaches well, who has not first learned aright. No one has learned aright, who has not learned for the purpose of teaching others. And both are useless, unless reduced to practice. (Herman Witsius, The Character of Genuine Theologian)

Quote from Michael Horton

I do not believe the gospel because I believe in God; rather, I believe in God because of the gospel (Pilgrim Theology)

David Powlison's definition of Sanctification

Sanctification is the meeting of two unfathomable riches. It's the meeting of the human condition with all its complication with the Savior of the world in all his truth and mercy. (in an interview by TGC)

thought for the day

When counseling I find myself woefully inadequate. It is in moments like this I find HIM most fully sufficient. So here is my counseling theory for the day:

1) Cling to the Cross
2) Listen well
3) Our Counsel should never leave the Cross - we must saturate ourselves in the Word
4) Apply the Gospel well to my heart first
5) Seek to help those in need to apply the Gospel well
6) Glory in the Gospel

I have found much solace in books from Paul Tripp, Tim Lane, Tim Chester, Elyse Fitzpatrick, and others. I enjoy The Journal for Biblical Counseling and find it good for my soul. I have gained much from the counsel of a friend who is a counselor, Jake Mason. Yet nothing has affected me more than the beauty of the Gospel!

The beauty of the Gospel is that HE never changes. Our response to HIM is the same, repent and believe, which is easy said than done and is why I find myself in constant need. Oh Lord let me ever cling to You! May I always cling to You! May any and all counsel sought from me reflect You above all else! Thank You for Your all sufficiency displayed so beautifully in the Gospel!

Summer Trust Building

Summer is drawing to an end. For some of our students school starts on August 15th and then for most they will begin on August 19th. This summer has be a time of hecticness and growth. The hectic nature of summer is one in which you want to accomplish so much yet only have so much time to do it in. This summer was no different. The great thing is that it has been a time of growth in many of our youth.

When I arrived at Covenant I soon noticed a lack of trust in my ministry when it came to our youth. This was something that I knew would take time to gain. This lack of trust was not necessarily a reflection upon my ministry (although I guess it could have been) as they did not know me but in many ways was a compliment to the wonderful couple who served them for 2+ years, I'm truly thankful for them and their ministry. At times this has been very hard work yet it has been rewarding in so many ways. The transition from pulpit ministry had its snags at times yet I have found that I have truly fallen in love with our Church, Youth, and area and this has made the transtion much smoother than I expected. This transtion has also been made easer by being able to serve along side our Senior Pastor, who loves us and this Church.

With that said I had immediately began to pray for our church, youth, and families upon our arrival. As I did this I found that God was bonding my heart to our Church and Youth in many ways. I began to see what a great place to serve this is and what great youth and families we had to serve with. This along with further deepening my love for this area served to fan into flame an even deeper passion to see our Church and area impacted by means of the Gospel.

So for the first nine months of ministry here there have been times of thinking I'm swimming upstream against the current mixed with times where I can see trust being built with our youth. This was tempered with a passion to love them well and see them develop as disciples of our Awesome Saivior and King. This was also fueled with a desire to establish roots here that will lead to great Gospel penetration being made in our lives and the lives of those around us. During these nine months I've had a plan.

This plan was not some mind-blowing, huge thing but one in which I wanted to establish realtionships with our Church and Youth whereby God would be glorified and trust would be built. This plan began upon arrival, continued through the winter, and would extend through the summer. It began by explaining that eventhough Jill's family is from here and we live on her family's land that we were here to serve them (our Church and Youth) not just to be back near family. It continued through the winter by letting them get to know us and our children and letting them know that they are part of our family and lives. All along we would try and take advantage of opportunities to have time with them and invest in them. As summer approached there would be the opportunity for our older youth to serve at a Camp that is dear to my heart (I have blogged about that Camp previously). I prayed for a sizeable group of our leaders to go as this Camp is more of a mission trip than a Camp. All but one of those came.

While at the Camp we made up 1 in 4 of  the Counselors there which was great. This was great because it allowed for us to have a great influence on the Camp and allowed for me to have a great influence on our group in particular. As our youth served they were awesome! As the camp progressed I was able to have many needed conversations with them and to put them into uncomfortable situations where they would have to trust God. HE used these as only HE could and the Camp served to challenge and mold those who went in mighty ways. My hope is that the trust established will grow into their realtionship with me as we head into the Fall.  

So now the as the summer draws to a close my prayer is that we will continue to gain momentum and press deeper into HIM as we continue seek to serve HIM well and love these Youth and their families well. May HE continue to build trust and continue to shape and mold us for HIS Glory!

Summer Anticipation

I must say that I love summer. There is so much to love about it. Time outdoors, with loved ones, the excitement of having the kids at home (most days, some days w/3 lil ones running around can get stressful - lol). One of the distinct things I love about summer is getting to go to a Camp I've been involved with for about ten years.

This Camp is different than others in certain ways. Many of the kids there are from difficult socioeconomic backgrounds, some are from backgrounds where abuse was a tragic part of their lives. This along with the fact that my friend's ministry pays the way for them to go to Camp, which is an amazing picture of God's provision and graciousness considering the economic climate we live in, make this week so refreshing. When asked the question is there one thing that you would not give up in an interview setting I say this Camp. Of course, when they hear of how God uses this week the church I serve always wants me to go and to bring others.

When it comes to bringing others each year is different. The one constant is that each year I bring some of our older youth to serve as what is called Junior Counselors. Each year the number of people varies yet what happens through the week does not. In youth culture few really serve others and at this camp they are forced to serve and in this service are put into some situations where they are stretched and have to fully trust in The Lord. In the midst of this God shapes and molds in beautiful ways.

This year will be quite different in that I'll be bringing my beautiful Chloe (our oldest) with me as a Camper. This will be her first Camp and it will be awesome getting to experience this with her. She is such a beautiful girl with a tender heart for Jesus! My hope is that over the years that each of our children will go and then as they get older serve at this Camp. Hopefully all five of us can serve together in this setting!

I love this Camp but that pales in comparison to my love for my Savior and King. It is through life with HIM that I see my desperate need for HIS continued graciousness and for HIS Gospel. This is a wonderful opportunity by which this Gospel finds a glorious expression. I'm so thankful to see expressions such this and to participate in it in settings such as this Camp. I can't wait until July 20-26! The anticipation is building!    

The Funeral of Peggy Lane

The Lord has been so good to Jill and I. We've met so many people that we've come to love and cherish while serving HIM in various places and capacities. One of those people was Mrs. Peggy Lane. We came to love and cherish her in many ways during our time in Sumter, SC. Though we've been gone since 2005 we've stayed in touch and I've been able to visit her and her husband Tony during his extended illness and eventual death. 

When we arrived in South Carolina in 2000 she took me under her wings, as she had for so many. Jill and I would come to truly love her son, Clinton, who was in our youth group. Clinton would be a big part of our lives (along with so many other youth who would be in and out of our home during that time). Clinton and his wife Ashley were part of our youth group, I performed their wedding. Now Clinton and his brother Josh are without parents. Josh found his Mom in bed on Friday May 31 gone from a heart attack, one week before his High School graduation. I was able to talk with Clinton and he asked if I would drive down and be part of the funeral, it was a difficult conversation as we both shed many tears. 

For the past three days I've been with Clinton, his wife Ashley, his brother Josh, and the family. There is nothing that prepares you for the questions and emotions that people ask as they grieve. As a Pastor there is one thing to do and that is to offer the Gospel as the balm needed for the soul that aches and grieves. Through many hours of talking and pointing to them Christ my prayer is that HE was glorified over these past few days.

The thing I find hard is to grieve myself because my heart aches for Clinton, Ashley, and Josh and wants to minister to them in such a way that HE is uplifted and to see HIM begin the healing process in their souls. So as I sit in my office and all is quiet my heart seeks that very balm of the Gospel to be applied to my heart. With tears I am thankful for HIS graciousness in giving us Mrs. Peggy and Clinton, along with the family. With tears I am thankful to have been able to serve them over our years together and especially over these past few days.    

thankful

Wow! It has literally been forever since I last wrote anything on here. I actually use my blog everyday as a resource to read from various blogs and sites I have listed yet I never write. There is so much that I could and should write about yet I do not have the time.

I will write to about one thing today. I'm so thankful for the evidences of God's grace in my life. Whether it by means of my family always being so patient with me or through my friends who love me so well. At home I try and try and yet seem to fail over and over yet through it all my wife and kids still love me through my foibles and follies, how beautiful is that? It's a beautiful reflection of HIS grace. I have a group of friends to whom I'm very loyal, many of us were in each other's weddings, yet I find that I do not keep in touch as I should. When a call is made or contact comes via social media or texting they do not care, they care only how I am. How awesome is that? Truly humbling to think about and to be thankful for.

I guess much of this rambling thought comes from the thought that today is my parents 49th Anniversary. My parents are not perfect, I would call them perfectly faulted. Yet through 49 years they have loved each other and still continue to do so. So as I consider that I am thankful for them I'm  also drawn to be thankful for something that makes their love for each other along with their love for me and my sister look quite anemic. I'm drawn to consider the depths of HIS perfect love in spite of my many upon many failures and I'm in awe. In awe of HIS nature that shines so brightly through these evidences of grace that draw me to consider HIS depths. So I say thank You to the One Who deserves all of my praise on this 49th Anniversary of my parents.